What is the definition of Programming Research?

Programming research, my friends, is like trying to bake a perfect sourdough loaf but only using random ingredients from a thrift store and a bunch of questionable online forums. It's the attempt to craft the perfect algorithm or software using questionable, often untested, ideas, much like trying to make a cupcake with expired vanilla extract and overcooked eggs.

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Now, here's a sentence to unsettle you with the seriousness of programming research: "The AI's quest for consciousness was as systematic as a robotic chef's recipe for a five-star steak."